By Nicola Albini, J.D., M.A.

I grew up in Italy with traditional Italian parents; I’m sure you can picture what that’s like!

I did all the right things - played golf in an elite league, pushed the family business into massive success, and pursued a Law Degree.

Most of what fueled my momentum came from the desire for approval, especially from my father. I wanted his love.

But we never did develop true closeness, and eventually I moved to the U.S.

I brought my “approval seeking success fuel” with me - and pushed myself to complete an Ironman but felt…

Nothing.

(If you haven’t read this story yet, you can read it here.)

I decided to follow a deeper calling and got a Masters Degree in Spiritual Psychology. My parents came from Italy to watch me graduate.

Afterwards, I took them to the airport, not knowing when we would see each other again, I fumbled through my bag, scared out of my mind for what I was going to do next.

“Here, Dad,” I said…

Handing him a book of poems I’d written called “Whispers of the Soul,” stories of my life and true self I’d written authentically and vulnerably.

I hugged him and walked away.

Later my Mom called: “Your Dad didn’t stop crying in the airport or the whole way home, I was so embarrassed!”

I smiled.

We’ve just passed the Chinese New Year, and in many communities, this is considered the real start of the year. The theme that comes up for me is moving forward. There is still so much I want to accomplish and experience in whatever time I have left here.

But I no longer want to experience it from push energy like when I was younger. I want the energy of releasing the part of me that clings, expects, demands…

Like I did when I handed my Dad that book. I released my fear, and expectation of his approval. The result? A satisfying relationship with him that I still enjoy today.

We don’t know how much time we have - but my guess is you have a lot you want to do while you’re still here too. That includes work and business, but also life and leisure… love and spirituality!

We’re not going to get any more time, so we’ve got to learn to create momentum (without force). There’s a way to do it.

I want to share a practice with you to create effortless action so you can finish what you start, receive at a much deeper level, and make space for the new to come in - and it’s a great time to do that!

A spiritual teacher recently asked me: “Would you rather want that, or would you rather have that? Because if you want it, you have to release that feeling!”

“Well, I’d rather have it than want it!”

How about you? Whatever it is that you feel called to move forward with in this new beginning - what if it could be so much easier?

I want you to try this with me - and I want to hear about your results. Here are a few easy steps to follow - try them out and be in touch, okay?

1. Identify what you want to create.

2. Release inside of yourself whatever comes up - in terms of feelings associated with that. Let go of every fear, insecurity, the attachment that it has to happen any certain way.

3. Create momentum by shifting instead into the necessary steps in order to bring what you desire into fruition.

You’ll start to see themes of what you are attached to… the fear of failing, having things go a certain way, feeling anxiety… you’ll see what that is for you. Welcome it all, let it all go and move into positive action.

I’d love you to try this out with me! How many days can you commit for?

By Nicola Albini, J.D., M.A.

Can we still say Happy New Year? :) It’s been a while since we’ve connected, and I want to check in and see how your New Year is going!

Last year was a wild ride for so many. I spent its last moments leading an Enneagram workshop with Johanna Jenkins, while wildfires ripped through Malibu and Santa Monica where I live.

One moment the sky was black, then red, then black. Homes were vanishing in what seemed like a flash. Animals native to the area were displaced; in fact, there’s still a cougar wandering around my neighborhood at night!

The impact of being so close to these fires brought a much deeper reflection on the meaning of life, accomplishment and purpose.

While my clients and I sat together in that workshop, letting go of our false self, wondering if we’d be evacuated at any moment, the work took on a new level of urgency.

“How much more of our true self can we just allow?”

While most mentors and coaches are taking advantage of January as a time to tell you (and sell you) MORE...

The Enneagram continues to teach me that the only way to be more of who I truly am is to be LESS of who I’m not.

For example, I work with a lot of 3s on the Enneagram because many Pro Athletes, Top Executives, and Leaders in Finance are 3s.

3s find their way to the top of anything they aspire to.

Point 3 is trying to avoid feeling but at the same time pursue achievement, success, and their self image.

They not only want to BE successful (and often are), but more importantly they want to APPEAR successful.

One of the participants came in without much awareness of this “push, push, push” pattern… but when he saw the myth running his life that “I have to achieve to be valuable”...

He touched freedom he never knew was possible.

It’s exhilarating.

3s are wired to lead.

But leading from truth and authenticity creates a whole new level.

Until 3s crack this open, they’ll push themselves into exhaustion - achieving what seems impossible to onlookers, while compromising their quality of life, health and relationships. And feeling like a fraud.

I’m sharing this because if you’re reading this, you’re most likely looking to maximize your potential in some way.

You’re also probably being bombarded by messages of “do more, be more, achieve more” in your newsfeed, your newspaper and even some of your own self talk.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

I regularly work with high performers on becoming “less” to accomplish more.

Spoiler: It works.

It’s no secret that I think the Enneagram is the most powerful tool to setting deeper, truer goals and achieving them from an energy and mind frame where they begin to feel effortless.

As we’re all so busy looking at what we want to create this year, I invite you to pause and reflect on the patterns keeping you from satisfaction and fulfillment in life.

Instead of piling more on, let go of more!
 
There’s so much more of YOU available to come through. Like my friend Robert Holden often says: “What’s the real more?”
 
That version of you can achieve bigger and loftier goals. Often people try to do it in the wrong order.

My commitment for the year is bringing in more joy and meaning into my life.
 
What’s yours? Let me know in the comments below.

I look forward to connecting with you more in 2019.